I didn’t expect to have time to write today, but I need my foot up for a while so while I’m sitting here I can write an review of the chutney that I made back in October. It seems like ages since I was up at the allotment, but thankfully the lining of my nasal passages seems to have grown back following the pickling session.
The jars of pickle have had a chance to mature now, and with it being Christmas, I have bought all the cheese in Sainsbury’s, so this seemed like a good time to bring our very own tomato pickle out and try it.
God it was vile! Thoroughly and absolutely disgusting!
Age has done nothing to mellow out the harsh cut of the vinegar, we had it on top of cheese on toast and I’ve been left wondering if I have any enamel left on my teeth at all. To be honest I’m struggling for words to describe it, toilet cleaner wouldn’t be far off the mark though.
As my husband was sitting eating it, he said it was quite nice. So not for the first time, I really have to wonder about him, maybe he likes paint stripper too, and has kept this a secret for the past ten years. Personally I found that my eyes were crossing and the back of my throat was on fire, it was a long way off Ballymaloe Relish, and is not going to make me my fortune. But he was eating away, so obviously I had to as well.
By the second slice of toast, I was actually afraid for my insides and had to admit defeat. Husband breathed a sigh of relief, the bugger was trying to be supportive and hated it as much as I did.
Now it’s not completely without merit. I could possibly sell it to Northern Ireland Water to cut through the fat bergs that are clogging up the sewage network, or if they have a problem with limescale then I reckon this is just the stuff to dissolve it, as long as it didn’t corrode the pipes too. I wonder if it needs to be registered as a Substance Hazardous to Health?
Another benefit could be to the diet industry, because after eating it earlier I haven’t really felt like eating anything else since, so anything that slows down the consumption of mince pies has to be a good thing.
If all else fails, at least I have a present (if I need one) for anyone I don’t like. I’ll need to practice an innocent look as I hand it over; I don’t have much of a poker face though, so guilt or fear will probably be plastered all over it.
Could I really be that mean?
Go on – I can’t be the only one to have a total kitchen disaster, cheer me up and tell me your worst, I promise you won’t hear me laughing 😉