Revenge of the Hell Pickle

I didn’t expect to have time to write today, but I need my foot up for a while so while I’m sitting here I can write an review of the chutney that I made back in October. It seems like ages since I was up at the allotment, but thankfully the lining of my nasal passages seems to have grown back following the pickling session.

The jars of pickle have had a chance to mature now, and with it being Christmas, I have bought all the cheese in Sainsbury’s, so this seemed like a good time to bring our very own tomato pickle out and try it.

God it was vile! Thoroughly and absolutely disgusting!

Age has done nothing to mellow out the harsh cut of the vinegar, we had it on top of cheese on toast and I’ve been left wondering if I have any enamel left on my teeth at all. To be honest I’m struggling for words to describe it, toilet cleaner wouldn’t be far off the mark though.

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As my husband was sitting eating it, he said it was quite nice. So not for the first time, I really have to wonder about him, maybe he likes paint stripper too, and has kept this a secret for the past ten years. Personally I found that my eyes were crossing and the back of my throat was on fire, it was a long way off Ballymaloe Relish, and is not going to make me my fortune. But he was eating away, so obviously I had to as well.

By the second slice of toast, I was actually afraid for my insides and had to admit defeat. Husband breathed a sigh of relief, the bugger was trying to be supportive and hated it as much as I did.

Now it’s not completely without merit. I could possibly sell it to Northern Ireland Water to cut through the fat bergs that are clogging up the sewage network, or if they have a problem with limescale then I reckon this is just the stuff to dissolve it, as long as it didn’t corrode the pipes too. I wonder if it needs to be registered as a Substance Hazardous to Health?

Another benefit could be to the diet industry, because after eating it earlier I haven’t really felt like eating anything else since, so anything that slows down the consumption of mince pies has to be a good thing.

If all else fails, at least I have a present (if I need one) for anyone I don’t like. I’ll need to practice an innocent look as I hand it over; I don’t have much of a poker face though, so guilt or fear will probably be plastered all over it.

Could I really be that mean?

Muwahahahahaha!

Go on – I can’t be the only one to have a total kitchen disaster, cheer me up and tell me your worst, I promise you won’t hear me laughing 😉

18 comments

  1. Too funny. Preserving is tricky. I got all excited one summer near the end of my second pregnancy. Possibly I was in the nesting phase right before going into labor. I bought 40 pounds of peaches and 20 pounds of green beans. I was going to can peaches for baby food and had a craving for the delicious canned green beans mum used to make. Never mind the fact I went into labor while the peaches were green or that the day I came home from the hospital they had to be processed or dumped ( I processed them all! ). Two months or so later a hideous smell was emanating from the kitchen vicinity. The top cupboard serving as my pantry had oozing foam and frightening toxic waste seeping out…. My green beans were a poisonous mush not fit for even a compost pile!

    Liked by 1 person

    • LOL! not just me then! We can be the inaugural members of the Pickling Disaster Club. Those beans sound spectacular, and yes I have had similar experiences with green beans, they are easily forgotten even without the distraction of a new baby!

      I haven’t built up the courage to go through the jars yet. half are Hell Pickle, half are chutney. I tasted the chutney just after I made it, and it seemed fine then, the problem is, they look identical! Nightmare!

      Thank you for stopping by and commenting, it made me laugh! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. This was hilarious – how’s your tooth enamel haha! I once decided to get all creative over Christmas and attempted to make marshmallow snowmen using something I found on Pinterest. The result was a set of demon killer snowmen with missing eyes…

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I haven’t had any canning disasters, yet. But, I do frequently make some crazy concoctions for dinner when I am attempting a new recipe. Last week I tried what I thought would be a simple cake….I could have used it to support a building, solid like a brick. I will not be deterred, I keep trying.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Lol this is a hilarious post!

    I am sorry that the pickling didn’t go well, but at least now you know how not to make pickle!? 😉

    I have plenty of these kinds of disasters too.. it just means when things go well you can be extra happy!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • I know how not to make pickle! It was vile! The chutney was ok, but unfortunately they look very alike, so it’s like playing Russian roulette with preserves
      Ya can’t win them all lol

      Liked by 1 person

  5. […] The last two spots are newbies for me , I’ve never tried growing cucumber before. I’m sort of praying that they turn out ok and that I’m not going to be tempted into trying to pickle them. I tried pickling my tomatoes last year. The husband is likely to stage an intervention if I stray too close to the vinegar ever again. You can read about that here In a Pickle and here Revenge of the Hell Pickle […]

    Like

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