Ten things I have learned in 10 years of marriage

Ten years of marriage; it’s not exceptional by any stretch of the imagination, and it seems to have gone by in a flash, but over that time we have dealt with so many things; death, illness, disability, retirement and kids just to name a few.

So the first ten years have been a rollercoaster, same as for many folks, but it’s during those years that you actually get to know the person that you’ve metaphorically handcuffed yourself to. This is when you knock the sharp corners off each other. Think of it as a transformation, from a couple of rough diamonds to a pair of beautiful cabochons. Me and Himself might be a carrot short of anything fit for Tiffany’s, but we’ve got the overall shape nailed.

So with the idea of trying to ditch the rollercoaster in favour of a cruise, I’m going to set out what I have figured out so far, as much for my own benefit as anyone else’s. So even if it’s just negative equity keeping you together – here’s my top ten things I’ve learnt in ten years of marriage.

Right and Wrong

Just because you don’t share the same point of view, this doesn’t necessarily mean that either of you are ‘wrong’. There’ll be loads of times when at least one of you is, but it’s not always the case. When it’s an opinion about something, it is possible that both of you can hold different views and both be right at the same time. This is often your ‘get out of jail free’ card after an argument.

Difficult one to get your head around, but its true, which brings me to the next one

You don’t always have to be right, (even when you know you are).

This is hard, especially for me, because I like to be right, even more than this, I hate being wrong. I mean I really hate being wrong, so it goes against the grain letting something go, especially when you know that it’s all going to end in tears; but sometimes you just gotta. Then after all that you have to listen to the aftermath and not say “I told you so”.

I’m pants at that too. Even if I don’t say it, it’s usually written all over my face. It’s not smugness, it’s pragmatism. Keep smiling, through your teeth if you have to.

However…

You aren’t always right, even when you think you are.

Im not always right, there have been occasions when I have goofed up. There I said it. Take a note of the date. None of them come to mind immediately, because Himself is away out fishing, he isn’t here to open up his hurt locker and remind me of all the times I have messed up, but it has happened.

Don’t huff when this is the case, hoick up the big girl pants, admit you were wrong, move on, never refer to it again, but if your partner does, compile your…

Greatest Hits Album

No not music – arguments. After a while, you will notice the same thing cropping up over and over again; then you will develop you own list of favourites to throw out there, just like pulling the pin out of a grenade and throwing it into the fray. We like to call this our Greatest Hits Album. There are some classics that have stood the test of time, that still get a reaction even yet.

By naming them ‘Greatest Hits’ it serves a purpose, because it’s a bit ridiculous really, and if you say something like, “Yeah, sure! Did you dredge that up from your Greatest Hits Album?” it is more difficult to keep a straight face during a real hum-dinger.

Another unwritten rule seems to be – if you laugh, you lose. I don’t like this rule, I can laugh even when I’m still mad, but that all gets a bit psycho, so lets not go there now.

Just because you bought it (apparently) this doesn’t mean it’s yours      WTAF?

Yeah – I can’t get my head round this at all. This seems like utter bullshit to me, but appears to be one of the rules. Stuff bought after the date of the wedding belongs to both parties unless its fishing gear, in which case I don’t touch it.

Fair enough, I don’t want to touch his stinky maggots, bait, hooks, rigs or the rest, but I wish he’d keep his stinky paws off my chocolate too.

Which brings me to…

You need to start getting sneaky about where you hide the chocolate/cake/biscuits/crisps

Apparently it’s fair game. You buy it, your partner eats it, if you hide it (poorly and they find it) that just ups the anti and adds to the thrill when they find and demolish it. So you’ve got to learn to be sneaky.

Have multiple hiding spots, split your haul up. If you can find a few spots where things can be hidden ‘in plain sight’ even better, because you don’t want to be spotted going back to the same place over and over again.

It’s ok to have murderous thoughts after lights out if your partner snores.

It’s not ok to actually follow though on it. Have ‘fun’ thinking of all the medieval ways you can torture them to death by all means, but limit your action to a well aimed donkey kick ‘in your sleep’ you can be very surprised when they mournfully tell you about it the next morning.

If they start laying it on thick about how sore their leg is and how unfair it is that you woke them up, have a look at the dark circles under your eyes, your guilt will melt away, I promise.

That said, it’s important for a bit of…

Give and Take

At least one of you needs to be able to remove spiders. If this is you – great, if this is your partner, then you need to be good at something else, clean the grill pan, sew on a button, whatever – you are a partnership now, you have rolls.

Talking of rolls…

You may put on weight

Which is entirely unfair and not funny, especially if you weren’t exactly a waif to begin with.

You are in this together

Presumably there was a reason you got hitched beyond their staggering good looks or healthy bank account. Remember what this was, don’t tattoo it to your forehead, but try to remember; this is your buddy, the one who gives you a hug when the rest of those fekkers out there make life miserable, and you do the same for them.

So put the kettle on, make them a cuppa, (carefully) produce a biccie from the hidden stash and tell them how much you love them, then forge on together.

So thats it, the my top ten things I’ve learnt in ten years of marriage, what would you add?